All photos from Zoopla
What is living in London like? Hell. Here’s proof, beyond all doubt, that renting in London is a nightmare.
Where is it? It’s in Notting Hill, home to "Hugh Grant affectedly stuttering over a sentence he started there in the year 1998, trying desperately to get to the end of it before he dies" and "a sort of grimy antiquarian market scene". It’s quite strange that those two very distinct sides of the London character co-exist here so closely – upper echelon middle class vs. old boys without teeth selling war badges near a rusted-out taxi – and so it turns into something clashing and fantastic and weird, where you can somehow buy a Celine jacket from a charity shop on the same street but at the same time pay £35 for a roast dinner in a pub. Notting Hill is, if nothing else, a land of contrasts.
What is there to do locally? Well that, obviously, and then also Carnival, a fairly good source of passive income in just waiting for the Bank Holiday weekend it’s on and charging people £2 a piss, £4 a shit to use your bathroom. If coronavirus has taught us anything, it’s that the UK’s provision of public toilet facilities is disastrously short-stocked and short-sighted, and successive governments and local regimes have, for years, ignored the idea any of us might ever need to shit outside our own houses. If I was a smart man I would have quit writing the moment lockdown started, bought a Portaloo on eBay, and spent my days hauling it around London Fields, charging people to blast piss into it. "Golby’s Quick Piss". Apprentice semi-finalist by 2022. Piss billionaire by 2030. All of that. But I didn’t, and now you have to read this.
Alright, how much are they asking? Sale, not rent, this time: £200,000, which is, I’m sickened to say, "cheap for London". But, then. Wait until you see it. Wait until you see it. Wait and see.
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You can stop sending me the tweet. Here are the photos, by the way, from the link in the tweet. (That you can stop sending me, now). The message here is clear: stop sending me this tweet.
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