"You show me your recently used Emojis. I tell you what's wrong with your life."
These days, who has the time to go looking for a solid therapist if you intend on spending an hour ranting about the rude ex who subtweeted you, or what that infuriating text from your crush of just a nondescript emoji without a mouth could have meant? How do you even reply to that?
A highly trained psychologist won't fix the kinks in my online brand. What good is an hour on the doctor's couch, if I'm going with the intent of finding out what my frequent use of horse emojis means? (It can't be good). My digital lexicon may reflect something about my inner psyche, and a flip phone-wielding, antiquated professional just won't get it.
Therefore, EmojiAnalyst—created by Dan Brill of ad firm Droga5—is the online panacea for all my SMS and smiley face semiotic woes. Simply send a tweet to @brillospad or email firstname.lastname@example.org with a screenshot of your recently used emojis, and boom! the doctor (who probably looks like that emoji with the face mask) will give you the Freudian treatment.
Of course, we can't take this Tumblr too seriously. After all, mental health is not a joking matter. Digital quirks and habits, on the other hand, are a flighty and funny aspect of online human interaction, and it's definitely funny to see someone "diagnose" our icon usage.
Just be careful if you really want this type of deep digital head shrinking—the "expert" can be a calls-it-like-he-sees it bully, as demonstrated below. Maybe it's better if we just chill on our day-to-day emoji use and forget that a Tumblr like this was ever created. Then again, maybe it wouldn't hurt me to consult with a hashtag specialist.