Down Goes Brown's Grab Bag: Stamkos, Tampering, and a Bizarre Jagr Trade

(Editor's note: Welcome to Sean McIndoe's Friday grab bag, where he writes on a variety of NHL topics. You can follow him on Twitter.)

The third star: Jaromir Jagr's heart—After unsuccessfully trying to shame someone from the paparazzi into leaving him alone, Jagr tried a different tactic: He made him a sandwich.

I guess that makes sense. After all, the guy has never been especially shy about being photographed.

The second star: Beau Bennett's thumbs—The notoriously injury-prone former Penguin had a final message for Pittsburgh fans on his way out of town.

Thank you Pittsburgh! — Beau Bennett (@BeauBennett19)June 30, 2016

In related news, Bennett has shown some personality and can now never play for the Montreal Canadiens.

The first star: Alex Nylander's hair—Look, we all can't wait for the Leafs/Sabres rivalry to fire up again once both teams are good, but there are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed and THIS IS A BRIDGE TOO FAR.

pic.twitter.com/UPvBDDRZno
— Buffalo Sabres (@BuffaloSabres) June 25, 2016

(Also: No he doesn't. William Nylander's hair is ridiculous. What else are you going to lie about, Buffalo?)

The issue: After answering a reporter's question about the Canucks potential interest in P.K. Subban and Steven Stamkos during a radio interview, GM Jim Benning was fined $50,000 by the league for tampering.

The outrage: Let's all point and laugh at this guy.

Is it justified: We all know that the NHL has strict rules around tampering; basically, you can't say anything publicly about any player who's under contract to somebody else. That's true even in the case of a player like Stamkos, who was days away from free agency at the time, and it's certainly true of somebody like Subban, who's under a long-term contract. And if anyone should know about the league's tampering rules, it's Vancouver, given how loudly its complained about similar situations in the past. (Remember when Canucks fans thought they were getting the Leafs' first-round draft pick because Ron Wilson said the Sedins were good? Fun times.)

So sure, Benning screwed up. And given his uneven track record in two years at the helm in Vancouver, it's tempting to roll your eyes, mutter "what a maroon" and laugh at all your Canuck fan friends.

But while we're at it, can we at least admit that Benning didn't say anything remotely controversial? He said that the Canucks had called Montreal about Subban, but were "nowhere close" on a trade. And he said they'd talk to Stamkos once it was allowed.

That's… kind of not saying anything, right? Do we really think that there's any GM in the league who needs a defenseman who didn't call Montreal about Subban? And do we really think there's any GM with cap space who didn't intend to at least take a shot at Stamkos? Benning was basically asked "Are you planning to do your job," and he said yes instead of no. That's all he did.

That doesn't mean he shouldn't have been fined. It makes sense for the league to have strict rules about this stuff, especially when it comes to pending free agents, and it's understandable that opposing GMs would get cranky if trade talks went public, even if we all knew they were going on anyway. Benning knows the rules, or should, so he deserved the fine.

But in a league where nobody tells us anything and everyone tries very hard to make sure nothing interesting is ever said, it was kind of nice to hear somebody give an honest answer to a question. Rather than laughing at Benning, we should probably be pulling him aside to thank him. (Just be careful about that, since he'll probably run off and tell everyone what you said the next day.)

So the NHL kind of lost its mind on Wednesday, resulting in a half-hour in which the best free agent-to-be in history signed a massive extension right before hitting the market and nobody even noticed. That's because we were all busy reacting to two massive one-for-one trades: Taylor Hall for Adam Larsson, and P.K. Subban for Shea Weber. And by "reacting" I mean we were all freaking out because those trades were terrible.

While you'd think they'd happen more often because they're so simple, true one-for-one trades are a rarity in the NHL. Even when a deal is clearly centered around one guy on each side, most GMs can't resist tossing in a draft pick here or a minor league has-been there. But it seemed fitting to use this week's obscure player spot to feature a guy who was once involved in a straight-up trade, so let's go with Anson Carter.

Carter was a longshot to ever make the big leagues, having been picked in the 10th round of the 1992 draft by the Nordiques; by the time he made it to the NHL, both the round he was chosen in and the team that picked him didn't exist anymore. But he did make it, finally debuting with the Capitals in 1996 where he lasted just 19 games before being part of the big Adam Oates/Jim Carey trade. He'd spend parts of four seasons in Boston before heading to Edmonton, and would continue to bounce around the league for ten seasons, suiting up for eight different teams in all. He was a solid middle-six winger, and had his best year in Vancouver in 2005-06, scoring 33 goals after being slotted in alongside the Sedin twins. He retired in 2007, having scored a respectable 202 goals in a 674-game NHL career.

But in the middle of all that, he was involved in one of the strangest one-for-one trades in NHL history. Midway through the 2003-2004 season, Anson Carter, the dependable winger who could get you 20 goals or so, was traded straight-up for Jaromir Jagr.

That seems bizarre now, as if it must be some sort of typo in the record book. Today, Jagr is hockey royalty, quite possible the most universally beloved active player. His Hall of Fame discussion will last roughly three seconds when (or if) he eventually retires. He's one of the greatest of all time.

But back in 2004, the hockey world had a very different view of Jagr. He already forced his way out of Pittsburgh and landed in Washington, where he'd signed a massive deal and then failed to live up to it. With the Capitals' fortunes tanking, both on the ice and on their bank statement, they had to move on from their expensive star. And with few teams able to take on a major contract in the pre-cap world, they settled for what they could get, sending Jagr to the Rangers for Carter, with no other pieces involved.

It was Carter's second stint in Washington, and for the second time it lasted just 19 games; two months later, he was traded to the Kings for Jared Aulin, who never played another NHL game. But the deal actually worked out well for the two teams involved; Jagr returned to his superstar ways in New York, and the Capitals tanked their way to a lottery win and Alexander Ovechkin.

The lesson: Chin up, Oilers and Habs fans. Sometimes, being on the wrong end of a ridiculously lopsided one-for-one trade can work out just fine.

This week's debate: Steven Stamkos, days from becoming the best free agent in modern NHL history, instead signed an extension to stay in Tampa Bay. Should fans be disappointed?

In favor: Yes, they should. The Stamkos bidding war would have been great fun, one unlike anything the NHL had ever seen. We all missed out.

Opposed: No we didn't. Stamkos going back to Tampa is fine. And I say that even though my favorite team was one of the ones he was rumored to be talking to.

In favor: Oh. Sorry to hear that.

Opposed: No, it's cool. I'm actually glad.

In favor: You are?

Opposed: Of course. Look at that deal he got. That's insane money. I'm sure glad my team was smart enough not to offer that!

In favor: Um, according to reports, your team was actually ready to offer a lot more.

Opposed: Um, yeah, to drive up the price for some other dumb team. It's a classic bait-and-switch, and I'm surprised they fell for it. Besides, Stamkos is already past his prime, based on these random statistics I found online and do not actually understand. And don't forget about those blood clots. You'd be crazy to sign this guy!

In favor: But… you were saying just this week that you really wanted your team to sign him.

Opposed (hurriedly deleting old tweets): Was not!

In favor: You were! You were going on and on about how smart your team had been to clear up cap space to go out and land the best center on the market.

Opposed: Yeah, but obviously I didn't mean Stamkos.

In favor: You didn't?

Opposed: No! I was referring to… (scrolls through list of available free agents)… Frans Nielsen.

In favor: Do you even know who that is?

Opposed: Shut up.

In favor: Look, we all knew that only one team was going to be able to sign the guy. And every signing comes with risk, especially one with this many dollars attached. It may not work, and there may be backup plans out there that will turn out better. But that's no reason to do this ridiculous act where you pretend you never wanted a guy that you clearly did. It's OK to admit that you're disappointed your team didn't get a chance to sign Steven Stamkos.

Opposed: Steven Stam-who? Is that a soccer player or something? I'm honestly not even sure who that is.

In favor (rubbing temples): You're literally wearing your team's jersey with his name and number on it right now.

Opposed: Uh, am I?

In favor: It's homemade. I can tell because the "O" in Stamkos is a little heart.

Opposed: …

In favor: …

Opposed (running from room crying): I HATE YOU, STEVEN STAMKOS!

The final verdict: Enjoy making millions of dollars, living in beautiful weather and contending for the Stanley Cup every year, loser.

Today is Canada Day, the day that your friendly pals north of the border get a day off work, crack open a few beers, and watch all the best players in the NHL sign free agent contracts with American teams. To celebrate, let's spend some time enjoying Canada's national anthem.

• OK, this isn't really Canada's national anthem, although I think we all agree that it should be. It's also only loosely related to hockey, but screw it, I'm not even supposed to be working today.

• So this is "In Canada" and it's being performed by B.J. Snowden in… well, honestly I have no idea. I'd put the range anywhere from 1981 to about 1998. The song is timeless, is what I'm trying to say.

• We start off with some hockey, because this song is about Canada so what else are we going to use? The newspaper clips that flash by actually give us some hints about the timing of the song, or at least the video. The Oilers are beating the Bruins, which would suggest that they're from either the 1988 or 1990 Stanley Cup, and if you pause that one article as it flashes by you'll find a mention of Andy Moog giving up two early goals in Game 2, which would mean this is 1990. Don't say nobody ever does real journalism on the web anymore.

• Also, Mark Messier is the captain so it has to be 1990. I guess that would have been an easier way to do it.

• Honestly, if you're writing a song about Canada and it doesn't start with a reference to our streets being clean, you're doing it wrong. This lady gets us.

• "In Canada, they treat you like a queen. In Canada, they never will be mean." Um, B.J., Marc Bergevin and Peter Chiarelli would like a word.

• Hey look, it's a shot of Messier having lunch.

• "In PEI, water is blue and clean." Yeah, I don't think that's water in this clip, given how it's bubbling over as soon as it's poured into the glass. Although come to think of it, if that really is what the water out there is like then it goes a long way towards explaining every East Coaster I've ever met.

• So here's a weird twist: B.J. Snowden isn't actually Canadian. She's from Massachusetts, but somehow carved out a career writing songs about Canada, earning a cult following and even appearances on Jimmy Kimmel Live and The Tonight Show. Also, she has an old website which features praise from the guy from the B-52s. This woman is killing it.

• Meanwhile, Dustin Penner just hurt himself watching this video.

• Hey, why is Saskatchewan the only province that got punctuation? And not just one exclamation mark, but two. Is this an equalization payments thing? How many of my tax dollars are going to this? I want out, who's with me? (Economy crashes) Nope, changed my mind, we're good.

• I've got to be honest, it took a lot longer to get to a shot of a Mountie than I thought it would.

• OK, so if I told you that one thing in Canada gets its own special section of the song, what would you think it would be? The invention of the telephone? Socialized medicine? The Clark/McSorley fight? Nope. It's the West Edmonton Mall. Huh. Can't wait for the updated version of the song that's all about the new Quiznos opening up next to the gravel parking lot in the Ice District.

• Remember kids, if you can't think of a way to end something, just go "la la la" for a while. If it's good enough for B.J. Snowden and also Jim Benning's rebuild plan, it's good enough for you.

• And we close with a shot of the prime minister.

• Today, Snowden still makes music, with a new album and updated website in which she offers her songs for sale and also piano lessons. On one page, she refers to herself as a "keyboard sorceress." Honestly, B.J. Snowden might be my new favorite singer. Here's to you, B.J. (Chugs a pitcher of PEI water.)

• La la la.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com.