Why Are So Many Sex Toys Purple?

There are some people that do meaningful things with their time. Today I’ve been thinking about why so many sex toys are purple. 

If there’s something I’ve learnt in my years of living, it’s that everything has a reason. Not in a higher power, spiritual kinda way. More in a everything-in-society-is-constructed-to-maximise-desire-in-capitalism type way, like how fast food companies have been using colour psychology for decades. 

So, it begs the question: Is lavender particularly erotic? Is indigo horrifically horny? Is violet a randy bastard?

A cursory search on my work laptop leads me to tell the internet a number of times that, yes, I am over 18-years-old. Clicking those buttons always feels so futile. Isn’t the point of the internet to give up the rights to your data for pure convenience?

I find that, once again, I’ve never had an original thought in my life. This question appears to be pondered near as much as other philosophical giants, like “what is the meaning of life?” or “is there life after death?”. Everything from “why purple is sexy” to “why sex toys are shaped like animals” has been thought of, considered, and left in the rearview mirror of cultural assessment. On Twitter, someone even asked this very question nearly 12 months ago. Do the ladies just love purple? Asks one Reddit user. “We’re just wet for Grimace” comes the reply.

I scroll slowly, then frantically, through the feeds of pleasure coaches & sex toy brands. Everything is a royal, pornographic purple. Is this the Baader Meinhof phenomenon in full swing? Or just the reality of a salacious silicone society?

Then I dabble in colour psychology. OK, correction - I read a few sites that look like they were built in 2003 and then widowed. They tell me that purple is synonymous with female power, that purple is the colour of modern feminism. They claim that purple suggests a departure from the gender binary, is the colour of your 6th chakra, and has an association with royalty & Cadbury (interchangeable). It’s associated with wealth, spirituality, magic & arrogance. I learn that, actually, there are two words that rhyme with purple. Hirple, meaning to walk with a limp & curple referring to the hindquarters of a horse. A succulent tidbit, but still I am no closer to finding my answer. The internet says that it’s the colour of sensuality & also the colour of the asexual flag. The more I read the less I know. 

My DM to LoveHoney, asking charmingly for an explainer, goes unanswered. 

A friend, who used to work in an adult store, tells me that so many sex toys are purple because it’s gender neutral: pink (girl) x blue (boy) = purple (gender neutral). Perhaps this is the case? The maths checks out. 

Finally, I catch wind that an adult site, babeland.com, has conducted a survey suggesting that purple is the sexiest colour. I click, and a banner pops up saying that the site has been banned by my network administrator. 

So this is my theory: it’s simply a matter of purple being the lesser of all evils. White? Would get too dirty too easily. Yellow? Too much happy, not enough sexy. Green? The idea of being fucked by an alien would be appealing to some, but it’s definitely niche. Blue? That’s for boys! Red? Too reminiscent of the devil. Black? Chic, but not feminine enough. Pink? A bit on the nose. Purple? I mean… I guess?  

Either that or it's all a ploy by Big Purple. 

If anyone has any ideas, hit a girl up. Until then, I fear I am trapped in this Sisyphean torment.