These Women Cope With the Challenges Of Being Queer In South Korea Through House Parties

That being said, many LGBTQ people are still struggling to find a community where they feel like they can be themselves. With less representation in public and the media, queer women, in particular, are finding it difficult to meet their peers they can talk to freely and openly.

Kim Ha-na, who is 26 and identifies as pansexual, was going through this very dilemma—until she was invited to a private house party for queer women by her queer friend. At the party, held for the first time last December, Ha-na drew Christmas trees and played recreational games with other participants, who were either friends or friends of friends.

Ha-na said she met her “chosen family” that night. She, along with the others, endeavored to make sure the house party wasn’t just a one-off.

The women held two more parties in March and June (which Ha-na hosted at her place), and around eight people showed up to each of them. The community wasn’t a grand vision. It happened organically because the women can relate with others who have similar perspectives.” Ha-na told VICE. “We thought, ‘Why not hang out and have a ball together?’”

There’s no set rule for the parties. The women take turns hosting the gathering in their places, making sure that the space is safe and judgment-free.

“From our favorite porn and lesbian clubs to gossip, veganism, and BDSM, we talk to one another comfortably about all types of topics, including taboos like sex,” Ha-na said. She is proud that everyone in the community is open-minded and non-judgmental. “One of my friends candidly shared her preference of having flings, and how hard it is to have a one-night stand because the lesbian culture [in the country] primarily seeks romantic love.”

The parties are also a venue where they can freely express themselves through what they wear. Their dress code is “embarrassing costume,” which refers to clothes they like but wouldn’t wear daily for fear of judgment. “In South Korea, what we can wear is limited,” Ha-na said. “I would be looked at and judged if I wore a cropped T-shirt outside. So, at the parties, we would wear these kinds of clothes and take photos to keep the memories.”

Ha-na thinks women feel at home at the parties because they don’t have to worry about people questioning their existence and judging their looks. She said she was thrilled that she managed to gather all the women in one place where they could dress freely and chat about whatever they wanted.

Another member—who identifies as lesbian and requested anonymity due to safety concerns—said the parties give her the courage to be herself. She hosted the party in March. “Everyone is on the same page that these [taboo topics such as LGBTQ and sexuality] don’t have to be hidden and should be brought out. Just sharing my thoughts with like-minded people gives me confidence and helps me feel solidarity and a strong bond,” she told VICE.

The two women echoed that living as a queer woman in a conservative country is tough. “Queer women are more likely to be sexually objectified and not taken seriously when they come out, so they’re more vulnerable to hate crimes,” the lesbian member said.

Ha-na said that being a woman in the country is already challenging due to the prevailing misogyny, but when you add queerness to the equation, the intensity of hatred as well as sexualization, it escalates even further. “Lesbians often have to deal with [rude people] who ask them to kiss another woman right before their eyes to prove their identity,” she said.

The women added that while the gay community in this country is active with a larger online forum, more mobile applications, and bars and nightclubs, the lesbian community is not.

“While there’s a diversity of music genres in gay clubs, there’s no diversity in lesbian clubs. It’s not appealing and there are not so many people either. Everyone would joke, ‘We have to bite the bullet and go to a lesbian club,’ since there’s no other way to meet people like us,” Ha-na said.

She is hoping to keep these queer parties going and make them even bigger.

“I’m getting tired of hiding who I am. I’m from one of the most rural areas. I had to keep my sexuality and my personality hidden. I’m ready to be my true self now, and I’m hoping people can just move on if they don’t like me,” she said. “I’m dreaming of throwing a bigger queer party, inviting queer men as well as queer women, and making the LGBTQ culture far richer.”

If South Korea is a pitch-black space, then for Ha-na these parties are like a ray of light piercing the darkness. “We don’t get together regularly, but the fact that it exists makes me brave. Like the proverbial salt and light. This is a comfort zone where we can just be ourselves.”

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