Someone Once Said I Was 'Selera Bule.' Is It a Compliment or an Insult?

The woman in the black jilbab took one look at me and immediately announced my future. "One day, you will marry a bule!" she said. The woman in black was a friend of mine, and she was rambling on about how she could see the future. Me? I didn't care. I was 19-years-old and I had stopped dreaming of a man riding in on a white horse to save my life a looong time ago.

Five years later, most of her "prophecies" were wrong. Some Nostradamus she turned out to be. But why a bule? [A white foreigner]. It's probably because I have darker skin than the milky-white models who epitomize the Indonesian standards of beauty.

Confused? Standards of beauty are pretty complicated in Indonesia, but let me try to explain. A lot of Indonesians have darker skin, but our mass media tells us that "beautiful" Indonesians have light, almost porcelain skin. So people think that having dark skin works against you, in the eligible romantic partners sense. But you know who (allegedly) doesn't care about darker skin? White people. Why? Probably because of some stereotypical shit about dark-skinned Indonesian women being "exotic" and all that.

Yeah, it's all plenty racist, and it also breeds a stereotype that's a double-edged sword. My friend was saying I was "selera bule," or a "a white-person's type," because of my skin-tone. So it was both an insult (your skin is too dark) and a compliment (you'll marry some handsome foreigner, because, you know, some people think all foreigners are handsome for some reason). Or it could mean you're a "bule hunter"—a woman who only dates white men.

It's all so wrapped up in layers of objectification, exoticism, and cultural stereotypes that it's hard to gauge whether she meant it as an insult or a compliment. Pissed off yet? Remember, these are all just stereotypes, so let's take this all with a pinch of salt. But inter-racial relationships can still be difficult in Indonesia. Hell, inter-faith dating is difficult enough already. But the reality is that, at least in the US, more than half of all millennials have dated outside their race. And in my own family, some relatives have tied the knot with people from the wild, wild West and their relationships worked out great.

So how many people actually believe these stereotypes are true? I asked a bunch of people to find out.

VICE Indonesia: Are you one of those people who believe that 'selera bule' is a real thing?
Dimas: I think it's correct. I know I have heard a lot about that stereotype. I think it's because of racial differences, especially when it comes to Indonesians and white people—especially the idea that white people have blonde hair and different colored eyes.

So is 'selera bule' a physical thing? Or is it about personality? 
It's physical. If we're talking about people's character, both bules and Indonesians tend to be the same. They are different, but not that much.

When was the last time you dated a bule? 
The last and only bule I dated was a Russian woman. We broke up in September of 2015. We dated for three years, but one year was spent long-distance. Overall, it's all the same when dating an Indonesian or a foreigner. But one difference was that communication was easier. It was simple and she didn't speak in code. But then there were complicated parts too. Visas, the language, beliefs, and religion. Trust me, those things were beyond complicated.

What did she find most attractive about you?
I think our differences were what made her interested in me. She used to say that she wanted skin like mine, or hair like mine. She also liked my personality.

I'm sure you've heard all the stereotypes. People call Indonesians who date foreigners 'gold diggers,' 'tacky,' claim they have a 'pembantu face'. Do these things offend you?
I'm definitely not a gold digger. My ex wasn't that well connected and had little savings. She's not exactly an expat who owns a business here. But I'm not offended, because, to be honest, I'm happy with what I have. I like my dark skin and all. But if I look at other people, I think I tend to agree with the stereotype. But that's reasonable. Bules prefer 'exotic' women, which they find 'Indonesia banget,' right?

Did you ever feel like you have an inferiority complex?
Well, yeah. Because only after I dated my ex did I understand that Indonesians are ungrateful and sometimes like to think that our race is inferior, when, in fact, it's not. We take for granted that we have 12 hours of sun a day all year long. So Indonesians shouldn't fear the sun. It's our fate to be tanned and exotic. My ex wished she had my skin tone. That's the proof that we should be grateful for our dark skin.

VICE Indonesia: So, you're a foreigner who is married to an Indonesian woman. What do you think of the whole stereotype? 
Chris: I've heard about the stereotype, and yes, my wife has darker skin than the women in the Indonesian beauty product commercials. So that stereotype, in general, is clearly based on reality to a certain degree. Western men do date Indonesian women, and they often have darker skin.

Why do you think bule men like darker-skinned women?
I think it has something to do with the racism embedded in Indonesian beauty ideals. Indonesians consider lighter skin as more attractive, and the TV commercials, movies, advertisements, and print media all reinforce this racist preference. As a result, many darker-skinned women grow up with a stunted appreciation of their own beauty, and many lighter-skinned women grow up with an inflated perception of their own.

Like…
My wife is so stunning that in the United States a woman we met at a party once blurted out that she was way out of my league. But growing up in East Java, my wife thought of herself as boyish and unattractive until she had a chance to spend a year abroad in the US when she was sixteen.

Do you ever feel offended by the stereotypes?
Whether I feel offended or not really depends on how individuals act on it or communicate it to my wife and I.

So when were you offended?
Well, one time, my wife and I were staying at a hotel and we ordered some delivery. When we walked down together to pick up the food and pay, a member of the hotel staff openly propositioned my wife like she was a prostitute. He wanted her services once we were through. He assumed this because she was with a white man at a hotel, so, in his mind, she must be a sex worker. He was so sure of it that he felt comfortable propositioning her. This lack of respect was deeply offensive.

What do you like most about your wife?
I like her adventurous spirit, her intelligence, her ability to wear her heart on her sleeve, her curiosity, her sense of humor, and her ability to laugh at herself and me. There are so many, many more things. I am also really attracted to her.

How does it feel to marry a woman from a different culture background?
In the US, I felt proud of having married a woman of another race, although I didn't think about it all that much. Race issues and perceptions are complicated in the US. As a white male, I have this desire to somehow clearly identify myself as an ally to those who don't experience the same level of privilege as me. One on hand, having a non-white white sends a message to others about me that I like to send. On another level, the history of inter-racial marriage is complicated and carries with it legacies of colonialism and inter-racial power relations with it.

I recognize that both Americans and Indonesians may look at my wife and I and see a white man eroticizing or fetishizing his wife for her foreignness, subconsciously playing out the colonial story in our domestic life. Maybe there is an element of truth in that. Or maybe there was early in our relationship. But the think about marriage is that if you take it seriously, it dwarfs all that other stuff. It's an epic journey full of massive challenges no matter where the two partners are from. It doesn't take long before the micro-culture you build as a couple becomes a new, shared identity—a common culture between the two of you that's beautiful and special, but also as mundane as taking out the trash. And let's be real. There's nothing exotic about taking out the trash.

VICE Indonesia: What do you think when you hear the phrase 'selera bule'? Is it a compliment or an insult?
Nola: I find it flattering. Well, it actually depends on which bule, because not every bule looks for 'exotic' girls. There are also middle class bule who prefer local, open minded girls with nice lifestyles—so you could say we're more equal.

What do you mean by equal? 
Lifestyles, points of view, and mindsets.

Do you ever feel that the stereotype 'selera bule' is degrading?
No, not really. I'm pretty chill. I don't care what people say.

Have you had a lot of bule boyfriends?
I've been dating bule all along. Six bules so far.

Where do they come from?
One from the Netherlands, Russia, Australia, and two from Italy…

If you had to generalize, what were they like? 
They're chill. And more open minded.

What did they like about you?
Some said my personality, some said they liked my eyes.

So have you ever dated an Indonesian man?
Twice, I reckon. It was complicated because of all the drama. I'm a no fuss kind of person, so when I work, I'm very focused. They tend to make a big fuss out of the littlest things. It's such a turn off.

So you think Indonesians are more fussy when it comes to relationships?
Well, yeah. The littlest things can turn into big problems.

If your exes weren't bule, but were basically the same, do you think you'd still date them?
I'm actually sapiosexual, alright. So first and foremost, I'm attracted to one's mind. If I find a person who is open minded, and has varied perspectives, then that person is quite special. Like a unicorn.