The Celebs Setting Fire to the Planet

The funny thing is that, despite our little agenda with this column, nothing ever really changes. The same celebs keep doing the same climate-polluting shit. 2023 was the hottest on record (1.48C above pre-industrial averages), and by 2050, your very much inland London flat will have river-side views. Given all that, we may as well keep banging the drum. 

And so that’s why we’re back! And as is obligatory, we’re looking for private jets (PJs), miniature tank-like vehicles, yachts and all the rest. Tell me about your cycle to work, and I’ll point you in the direction of a journalist flying to New York from Ohio and back every day for his commute! Show me your compost mound in the garden and little bin for your food waste, I’ll show you a controversial American rapper in the back of a 6x6 all-terrain vehicle!

It’s a neverending battle of hearts and mids, this! Get locked. Want to know who fucked around with the planet the most this month? 

Gou is a perpetual in our list, but that’s because she never fails to show the BTS of her touring and generally charmed life. She is the spirit animal of this column, with her PJs and cars, and so she gets in this week for her preemo Lamborghini Urus.

Carbon emissions from a Lamborghini Urus: Assuming it’s the 2017 Lamborghini Urus (which it may not be!), that produces 325g of CO2 per kilometre. According to the UK government, a typical British domestic flight only emits 246g per passenger per kilometre.  

This 20-year-old YouTuber is more of a concept to me than an actual celebrity – the only ways I sort of know of him is by seeing his bouncer punch a guy, seeing a guy punch him, and, through researching this article, viewing his impossibly Muammar Gaddafi-style women and petrol-based lifestyle. Among the many crazy clips and photos is this IG carousel of him and his gf (?) on a PJ. Busted!

Carbon emissions from a private jet: 90 minutes of flying in a typical private jet produces 7,900 lbs of CO2 per passenger. To put that into context, a return flight on a commercial airliner between London and Perth produces 6,951 lbs of CO2 per passenger.

While we’re here, here he is with his many cars. Again, not too sure what to make of Doherty the man-boy. But if we just focus on the cars for a sec, let’s look at the Lamborghini Hurucan, which we think is the one on the left in the pic.

Carbon emissions from a Lamborghini Hurucan: The all-wheel-drive coupe Hurucan produces 332g of CO2 per kilometre. The average new car emits 120.1g per kilometre, so the Hurucan emits only a bit less per kilometre than the total CO2 output of three new cars.

Rodriguez is another staple around these parts and for good reason: She’s always on some fancy-ass plane! Here she is on an official-looking Saudi one – the country her bf Cristiano is plying his trade in. Now, while we can’t be sure what that actual plane is, we do know they have a luxury private jet, and presumably, that thing’s putting in some serious flight time out there too. 

Carbon emissions from a private jet: If 90 minutes of flying in a typical private jet produces 7,900 lbs of CO2, that’s slightly more than a passenger flying return from London to New York 3.6 times. 

“Money” Mayweather is another easy one because he has loads of cars and he likes to actually name-check the cars in the videos he posts to Instagram, which helps me enormously in my endeavors. And let’s be honest, at 5’8”, he doesn’t need the “extended wheel base”, which means it’s like a stretched-out, mini limo of a Rolls Royce.  

Carbon emissions from a Rolls-Royce Phantom EWB: So the 2021 Rolls-Royce Phantom EWB produces 615g of CO2 per mile. Driving this car for 100 miles produces 61.5kg, which is broadly similar to the amount of CO2 generated by 360 regular-sized cans of Coke.

The Houston-born rapper is pictured here on what we think might be the Apocalypse HellFire, a six-wheeled, mean-as-hell-looking vehicle. Despite what you might think, though, the HellFire, which uses eco diesel, might not actually be that bad of an emitter. Still, it’s a big boy, and perhaps there are less aggressive vehicular options out there for going Big Tesco or Publix.

Carbon emissions from an Apocalypse HellFire: Bit of a nightmare this one to actually work out, as the info isn’t immediately available on their website. Let’s go on the low end and use the 423g of CO2 per mile a comparable-ish vehicle – the Jeep Gladiator EcoDiesel 4-wheel drive – emits. The average car in the UK, FYI, produces 221.4 grams.

@niche_t_