What a year etc! ‘Someone put 2018 in rice’ hehehe, and so on. A whole two years since people turned 2016 into a “burning dumpster fire” cliche, “everything’s awful” is still a mantra that mostly helps people cope with the fact that the world makes no sense (and is due to start choking us in 2030 anyway). Look, you get the idea. As people who spend an unhealthy amount of time online when we’re not at gigs or interviewing artists or injecting music directly into our veins, the news cycle easily turns into a bit of a blur for us at Noisey dot com. Chances are, it might have for you too.
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Musicians put out projects (albums, EPs, mixtapes, Instagram magazines, whatever) at such speed that a major label act’s impact can feel like a quiet ripple within a week. This year, Drake put out an album – remember that? Within a couple of weeks, no one was really talking about it. And you can be honest about how many times you’ve listened to it all the way through, it’s fine. Beyond American rap beef, Azealia Banks vs Elon Musk, the screaming white noise of constant sexual misconduct allegations and Dave and Fredo getting to number 1 in the UK charts (!!), few stories have managed to stick around for more than a few days. Lucky you: we’ve gone back and rounded up some of the ridiculous, often dumb shit that did indeed happen in 2018 and that you probably forgot about.Someone created a pizza-fucking hoax on a music cruiseLana Del Rey defeated RadioheadTyga denied knowing anything about furry porn, ANYTHINGVictoria Beckham said the Spice Girls wouldn’t reform to tour lmaoYoung Thug said he wanted to be referred to as SEXDiddy said he wanted to be referred to as LOVEJeff Goldblum said he wanted to collab with MigosRihanna rubbed £720 million off Snapchat’s (well, Snap Inc’s) value when she said they should maybe refrain from making light of domestic violenceEd Sheeran was apparently in a legal battle with some newtsCraig David serenaded a London bus for corporate content
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The Endless vinyl people ordered in November 2017 was actually shippedHackers deleted the “Despacito” video when it hit 5 billion viewsJessie J was on a singing competition as a contestant, not judge – and won. It was in ChinaSpeaking of which, Nicki Minaj went to China to perform at a festival that might not have existedJesus, the “Nice for What” video was this yearKaty Perry was in a court battle with some nunsA black woman artist said the Black Panther “All the Stars” video ripped off her paintingsOh, and the whole OST got the chopped’n’slopped treatment tooTom Hardy’s 1999 rap mixtape resurfacedBeyonce and JAY Z made a music video IN THE LOUVREJustin Timberlake wrote an album about being a Man of the Woods, which he promoted with a video set in the future featuring a weird robot (?!)And wait, hold up – Childish Gambino released “This Is America” tooPlus, Snoop Dogg got tired of people sending him sex dollsCheryl I Don’t Know What Her Last Name Is Now and Liam Payne talked about sex during the live broadcast of the BRIT Awards lmaoYou can find Noisey on Twitter.