How To Prioritise Your Friends After Starting A New Relationship

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So, you’ve fallen in love, it’s new and exciting – but it’s left your mates wondering why they haven’t seen you in weeks. 

Getting so wrapped up in your new beau that you accidentally neglect friendships is super common.

This study by Oxford University found that on average people lose two friends when they get into a new relationship. 

But if shit hits the fan and your relationship ends, you don’t want to find yourself high and dry without any friends to fall back on. 

So if you’re all swept up in a new relationship and realising that your friendships are suffering because of it, here are some things to be aware of:

If you never see your friends, are they really… Your friends?  

While it’s tempting to cancel on mates so you can spend another night binge-watching Netflix with your partner, think about how this affects you long-term.

The more you cancel on your mates, the more they’re gonna get the idea that you’re not interested in spending time with them. In the long run, this might stop people from inviting you to things at all. And if your relationship ends that door could be closed for good. 

Also, remember that it’s not just about you. Your friends might need you on an emotional level, even if you don’t feel like you need them right now. So don’t let them down by constantly bailing. Put your needs aside for one night and be there for them if they ask.

If you’re sitting down at dinner staring at your partner blankly, it may be a sign that you actively need to take more time apart.

Instead of expecting one person to fulfil your every need, (which can lead to intense pressure and often, ironically, a break-up,) spend your time and energy on different people. This way you actually have experiences with your pals to talk about with your partner on date night. 

To give you a time guide, this study by psychologist Robin Dunbar found that you must see your friends at least twice a week to build a strong relationship – so consider putting aside two nights a week to see mates. 

If you’ve found yourself neglecting your friends and only hanging out with your partner’s friends, you’re gonna be in a sticky situation if you decide to end your relationship. The likelihood is, unless you created some very deep friendships, then your now-ex's friends aren’t gonna stay in your life

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to make amends with your current friends who you may or may not have neglected while you were in a relationship.

And if the ship has sailed on your previous friendships, don’t forget that there are always new people to meet. It will still take effort, but it’s worth the mahi to make sure that you’re not suddenly left alone if your relationship falls apart. 

A few good ways to get to know new people are:

• Dating apps for friends: some dating apps have friend functions that can match you up with your next best mate. There’s nothing embarrassing about it, as they’re looking for the exact same thing you are.
• Group classes: whatever floats your boat here, from run clubs to group therapy. They’re an easy way to meet people with similar interests and values. 
• Reach out: think about all those times that you met people at parties, got their Instas and never reached out after that. Now you can message them the next time they pop up on your feed.

At the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself. This is why it’s important to prioritise yourself as a friend and set aside time from your partner to look after the best friend you will ever have.

By working on yourself, you can help set a solid foundation for your new or current relationship. This may also help you avoid bringing baggage from previous relationships into your new or current one.

It’s hard to juggle mates and your partner at the same time, let alone yourself, but by following the tips above you can confidently say you did your best. And remember, your friends are going through the exact same balancing act you are.

Now you have no excuses for being Mr No Mates when your relationship (potentially) comes to an end. What are you waiting for?

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